I’m told my standards are too high

by Kailie Knutzen

But I’ll settle for mediocre sex on a Wednesday, just to be held midweek. Drink cold, dead coffee that slept in the pot overnight just for a buzz. I’ll show up to the gym just to say I went. Write just to hear my own voice. I’ll settle for ranch when I want aioli. A single rose when I want a bouquet of wildflowers, handpicked. I’ll settle for a filthy car because I don’t believe in using mugs with lids. For a long distance love just to keep hold of my independence. For passion over a paycheck, a river when I can’t touch the ocean, a tiny apartment in exchange for stamps on a passport. I’ll settle with a little less structure for a little more whimsy.  Less dreaming, more being. I’ll settle for alone so I can painfully and tirelessly learn to love every inch of myself— settling into the softness that an imperfect life can give, is one of the highest standards I’ve ever held. 

Kailie Knutzen is a middle school English teacher from Spokane, Wa. She takes risks that include buying one way tickets to far away places or juicing an onion. Her writing is an extension of her process. How she lifes, feels and all the other joys that tag along.